Sharon Mullan: My Story
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Jo:
Hi. So today I have the pleasure, the absolute pleasure of speaking to one of my personal friends and wonderful woman, Sharon Mullan, who is a stress and trauma specialist practicing here in the Northern Rivers. Hi, Sharon.
Sharon:
Hi, Jo. And thank you very much for interviewing me. This is quite an honour to have you interviewing me because you know your stuff.
Jo:
Thank you very much. Well, let's start, so how would you being a trauma specialist? How would you actually define trauma?
Sharon:
We’ll start with the big questions I love it. And yes, it is interesting and many people listening I'm sure will have their own view of it because I work very much with a combination of mind training and relaxing the nervous system. I see it very much as physical. So if we look at it from the point of view of it being something trapped in the body, trapped energy in the body. What does that mean? Well, it means at some point the body loaded with energy to fight or flee and couldn't. So the system collapsed, went into freeze and that freeze put a lid on ‘it’, so it trapped ‘it’. So then if you look at it from the mind, knowing maybe on some level that the incident has passed, for the body it is continuing the living 'it'. So 'it' is still alive for it. So it's traumatised because it's still worried about 'it' happening again. Even though on some level, it's actually still happening for that person. So trauma can be an immobility, attention, a trapped-ness in the body, a stuck-ness. And it's a very, very big word. But, you know, my understanding is the most traumatic thing for the body is lack of movement. So trauma can happen from sitting in an office too long, in a desk job, in a truck, in a car. It doesn't have to be as I like to say, you don't have to sacrifice on an alter to be traumatised. It can be something fairly simple, it can be an accident, as well as something fairly abusive or nasty and neglectful.
Jo:
So that actually leads us into the next question, which is perfect. So, before we talk about ways to actually manage trauma, perhaps you could speak a little bit about your own background and your personal experience of trauma. And what led you to actually decide to become a trauma practitioner?
Sharon:
I love this question. I love that I can answer this question now without, you know, turning into a blithering mess, and because I've done all the work that I've done. So I've got one of those Irish childhoods that often ends up in book like Angela's Ashes or whatever, but not quite to that level of poverty or anything. But yeah, I grew up in a very unhappy home and found out later more about why my parents behaved the way that they did. But suffice to say a lot of violence, sexual abuse, and massive amount of neglect, which of course, I didn't realise till later, was much more of an issue. I had a fair inkling when I was a teenager that I thought, how am I going to do this adult thing? I have no idea. I know that, you know, this inappropriate behaviour that's going on in my home is not going to help me be a good adult, and that made me very, very nervous. But, it's interesting. I'm noticing now that I am seeing a lot of buts. So I am being some what triggered now to go back and remember that because I'm being recorded, not because I actually have an issue with it. Because it is interesting for me to know that this podcast now will go out potentially worldwide and people who grew up with me, including my parents will actually hear this. So it's always been something that's made me nervous about doing this, is what will their reaction be? So there we go, there's that maybe that last little bit of it that I need to work with, because even of course, I'm 50 years of age, there's no way that I'm under any danger from my parents, but there it is still showing up. So there's always work to do. But how I got into this whole thing was because of that massive amount of neglect. And the neglect was in big issues like the only physical contact I ever got was either sexual abuse or violence. So I never got my hand held. In fact, I have one memory of my father holding my hand and for years, I use to flashback and not remember what it was. I didn't know what he was doing, which is a bit odd really, even for me seeing that from the inside. So I didn't know how to deal with physical contact with people and Irish people weren't great at hugging even then. So you know, societally we weren't great at affection. So that was a big issue. I had a lot of anger in me. So in social circumstances, I was always nervous that I would lose it. And, you know, that's, yeah, it's just, I didn't have any friends really, in my 20s, to be honest, but eventually I did. My first marriage broke up and I thought, I don't want this to happen again. So I went and studied 'talk therapy'. And I really enjoyed that qualification. I have to say, through the Australian College of Applied Psychology. I was very blessed with the people that I worked with, but I was still left with not feeling 100%. So the feeling that needed to be reduced so that I could be less socially anxious and be able to be intimate and all that kind of stuff came through probably 15 years ago. I was introduced to tapping and I studied with Steve Wells and David Lake of EFT Down Under. Then through Steve he introduced me to TRE, Trauma Releasing Exercises and I was very blessed to be trained with David Bercelli. Between those two things, took the gross level of the history out of my system and taught me a huge amount of skills of how to be 'now'. Not that life got much better. My second marriage was fabulous. And I know I can say that's because I've recorded this before and my ex husband is fantastic about it. We actually get on very well now, but it became violent as well and all that kind of fun and games and with the girls. But yeah, so I'm living proof of what I do. I like to think. I experienced the work that this can do, not just go on 'I study this thing and it's great'. And I'm a bit multiple personality disorder I have a tendency to change my accent, so it's still me even though I'm becoming Australian in five seconds.
Jo:
That’s good to know. So along the way, it sounds like you've tried on different modalities, different ways of working with people. And that sort of lead you to something that you feel that really resonates with you. So can you tell us a little bit about TRE?
Sharon:
When I trained, as I say, I was very blessed almost 10 years ago, I think it is now, I ordered the DVD, watched it, did it and felt so really calm afterwards I thought 'oh my gosh, this is the thing'. And then lo and behold, you know as life does if it's meant to be the right thing happens and David came to Australia and I trained directly with him 10 years ago. The things that I took from it mostly at the time were, it can be quite a, what would you say? It's a detoxifying process, not just a matter of it all being lovely and sweet, and each time you go through the process of allowing your body to move involuntarily, that you end up feeling better. David created seven exercises, that I must admit I no longer use, but he created those exercises to help open up the body some what and put it under a little bit of pressure so that the muscles will start moving involuntarily and then eventually the nervous system will take over or immediately take over, and then this involuntary movement happens. But that's very natural to the body. So I'm mindful to say to people when they're moving involuntarily whether they've had a fright or their cold or whatever it is, as long as it's not something that's epilepsy or Parkinson's or anything that there's actually a neurogenic issue at fault so to speak in the brain, that's a natural mechanism.
Jo:
And that's in nature too, isn't it that you see animals do this? That's exactly right.
Sharon:
Exactly right. And people often say that 'my dog does it' or 'I've seen a video of the polar bear' So yes, it's very normal and natural. Peter Levine, who created Somatic Experiencing, was the person really in my understanding, who brought this involuntary movement back in to us Westerners who'd stopped doing it. It was socialised out of us. So now I'm finding more and more, and the tapping I've even made more and more more simple. Even though David and Steve did that too. They took away the EFT so to speak, the Emotional Freedom Technique wording, they created PET and and SET which is Simple Energy Technique and Provocative Energy Technique. But again, that's very specific to them, and they're wonderful and I love them, but I just literally get people to tap anywhere, just soothe yourself, use it for soothing yourself. And yes, if we're working with something specific, what works for me is that, what I like is now, with the set of skills and the experience that I've had, what I'm doing more than anything else is trying to create a circumstance, like the conditions for that to be opposite to what the trauma went in. So if there's any force related, I'm finding with the clients that I attract, if there is any force related to the therapy, I have to in the diagnostic beginning of working with somebody find out whether the fight and flight is what shows up when we 'go there', so to speak, or whether they freeze and if they freeze and we don't go there, so that we keep it safe. And that when some people don't move involuntarily like that they don't shake unless they're safe. So my job is to create that safety and comfort. Comfort, safety, presence, breathe through your nose, very basic stuff. So when people walk away from you, I'm not saying remember, do your TRE and remember to do your tapping. I'm saying breathe through your nose. Notice where you are, you know, Instagram #wherethefuckamI as I like to call it? Look around, notice where you are. It's not happening now. Okay, and if it is happening now, well then, you know, there's a whole different set of skills, but if it isn't, you've been triggered. So breathe through your nose. Notice where you are. Find some comfort. No techniques in that, they're all basically there and drawing from people what they already do. Oh yeah, I have a bath. I forget I do that because when we're distressed we forget to take care of ourselves. So it's bringing those skills back into the room and not having the people go 'What was that modality again?', 'What should I use?' Keep it real simple.
Jo:
So the tapping, do you use the sequence like the original way of tapping was, which is sort of starting at the head and working through or do you just go with the flow?
Sharon:
In the classes I do, because I do classes and I do individual sessions. So the classes is really useful to use the technique, the sequence. Then we do, you know, three rounds usually and very rare that I do less, sometimes, I do more depending on time, but then for those of you who are listening thinking about a question mark if you ever know the tapping so yes, it starts on the top of the head but once you go to the eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, and the chin, think of it as a question mark that goes around like that. And then anywhere on the body really. The fingers are really useful to use in real time. So that everything that I teach people I want them to be using in real time. Then if in individual sessions, yes, I might show the sequence, or just say, 'Where are you feeling the distress?' so that it comes back to the body. And if they say, my chest is tight, well I might just get them to put their hand on their chest and then pick any spot on their face that they're feeling drawn to. So that they use it in real time. This is the thing and actually, funnily enough, somebody said to me, yesterday, I spoke at a group of women who've had breast cancer and one of the women said, but you can't tap on your face in public. Well, I remember sitting at Coolangatta airport once and I was very distressed because my ex husband was coming back from New Zealand with my children. And I didn't know it at the time, but turned out my chronic fatigue was back for the second time and I was feeling very, very distressed. So I'm just sitting there tapping, I didn't care. I didn't care if anybody was looking at me. Because I'm watching and women are like re-adjusting their boobs, men are changing gears, as I like to call it, you know, with their old fella, and I'm going ‘Why is any body worried that I'm sitting here tapping on my face?’
Jo:
Absolutely. So we've talked a little bit about TRE. So in your classes, if someone was to come along to a class, and they have an idea about what they might expect, which is the wobbling, so to speak, and I'm a little bit self conscious say, what could somebody expect to see or experience in a class and how big are your classes usually.
Sharon:
You know, so we're funny, but that's all part of being anxious, isn't it that we think we are like naked? And everybody can see. That's it, you know, our skin isn't there and they can see all uck this inside. But if you just, you know, you could be thinking while you're tapping on your chin, but by the time you're doing that in public that shows you're in a better place, probably. But in the meantime, yeah, just wherever you can to soothe yourself. Okay, so the class, we'll start with how many there are in the class, there's room really comfortably for about 9-10 people, it is still quite intimate. I've heard of classes I think in, in Bali, maybe, so don't don't quote me where there's 30 people in there.
Jo:
Okay. But I imagine that would takeaway a little bit though, from the actual your ability to keep an eye on everybody when there's nine or 10, it's really manageable and people can feel a lot safer.
Sharon:
And I'm thrilled that you said that because it leads me to be reminded why I changed my whole view of what I learnt when I did my TRE training, which was to, you know, teach people and then leave. Now, I'm not blaming, TRE training, but it was to make ourselves redundant. Teach the people how to do them, show them how to regulate and then step away. But in somewhere like Bali, and again, you know, I haven't lived there so this only what I've heard. There is a community that's intact. So if people come to a class and there's 30 people, and they lie on the floor, and they allow their body to move involuntarily, and then they relax and they go home, if something comes up, that community is intact, to then absorb that, and take care of that person. We don't have that culture anymore in our Western society. So for me, I have 10 people so that by the time they leave, they're somewhat intact. And if they're not, they can ring me. They are here in Lismore, they can come again to another class, they can make an individual session or just call me on the phone. Because a lot of the time people are coming to me is that they are living in family homes or working in work environments where they feel they can't be themselves. They're holding these emotions in and they're afraid that they're going to turn into Niagara Falls
Jo:
And that's why a lot of people think they'll never come back from it. ’If I start to wobble I will never come back'. So how would you dispel that myth?
Sharon:
So, the self consciousness part of it and that whole idea of, you know, I'll never come back or I'm going to turn into Niagara Falls is the worse thing in the world, is my job. So that's the thing. When people come to class, I do say to them, I'm between you and the door, anybody comes in and looks at your fucking sideways, I'll eat them alive. And I use my humour, but it's exactly what I'm doing. And you know, and I've had young people come to class, and they're coming because they're afraid of the dark, or they've had terrible things happen in their home. And after two or three classes, they're falling asleep at the end, you know, and just shows how safe they are there. So it's very interesting that that's been my job, for all the carry on that's been going on in my life, I mean, I've got to keep lowering my nervous system for those people. So they'll come in, find their place. Yes, everybody can see each other at the beginning, sitting up tapping for the rounds, an awful lot of the time, people know the rounds very quickly, and they do it with their eyes closed. And the person who's new is following me. So they are not really looking around or they'll lose where they are. So that self consciousness, that nervousness, that anxiety, or depression or whatever we want to call it, that distress, that ill at ease, that's brought them into the room has them fully focused on me, and I'm not looking around, okay. And then, you know, by the time they've come to the room, they must have decided I'm going to do this. So you know, to me, nobody's come in the room under any force. And I don't allow that if someone says, Oh, my sister needs to come. Yeah, whatever, when she wants to come, thank you very much. Because if you've got a problem with that person, do you hear what I just said, you've got a problem. It's not for them to be fixing it. So then we lie down. Actually, I do a couple of minutes of just concentrating before we lie down but anyway, don't have to go in detail the formula of the class, but then we lie down. Now interesting enough because of that layout. People can't really see each other that clearly. But when people see somebody else move very strongly, or move very quickly when they lie down because I don't do the exercises of TRE anymore as explained, and people who've been coming for a long time. I've got a lady who has been coming for four and a half years now every week unless she's away or sick, which is very rare. And she instantly lies down and she just started to move involuntarily. So people are aware 'oh my goodness, wow'. And I don't know what that means necessarily to them. But my job really is to get that movement going. So you reintroduce it to the body so starting it, managing it and stopping it. Now that so once it started it started the body's been reintroduced to it now it now goes oh my goodness I can move involuntarily but so does your breathing, so does your digestive system, so does your heart all that stuff. So and then straight away we're managing it. So at the moment they don't like it. If I can put your legs down you can say oh people listening go all but I'm not that type of person. I'd be the one who all you got to keep going you might get in trouble or or you know, and or if you're very frightened and the free starts to come in you can't even move your legs. That’s what happened to me to my training. I was freezing in the training and I couldn't stop but David Bercelli, fair play to him was there and he taught me how to come out of that freeze response so that's so that made me very good at helping spot that, you know and so I love being able to say I can watch you and can say ‘can you just pop your legs down?’ Or I may not tell them in all fairness I'm getting don't even do that anymore. Be like, do you think you want to take a rest or wonder was that okay? Yes it is. And of course I'm you know, joking with people and their very, very serious. And they'll say to me, am I doing it right? And I go, fuck no. And they look at me with these big eyes and I go, but you are winning the no smiling competition. And then they relax and they start laughing and start doing this no right, no wrong it's your history that's coming away. So managing it is really the golden rules are simply that, breathe through your nose. Notice where you are and even that's notice the movement in your body. Get comfortable if you're uncomfortable, constantly reminding people do you need another cushion? Do you need a roller on your knees? Do you know I mean, these words probably won't make sense to the people who haven't come to class but I'm constantly making you comfortable.
Jo:
And you have that there already - mats and cushions.
Sharon:
Yeah exactly cushions there, mats there. Air conditioned, beautiful room. And I want people to come in their lunchtime if they want to. And if they've got a short skirt on or tight jeans, we've got sarongs there. We'll work it out. You know, I can't be that we go, Oh, the circumstances aren't perfect for me to release my trauma. So I'll just hold on to it for another However feckin' long.
Jo:
I’m not wearing the right pants
Sharon:
Yes, that's it. Fair enough.
Jo:
Okay, so that's a lot going on there. It sounds like you certainly create a safe space.
Sharon:
Yes. above everything else.
Jo:
Yeah, safety is paramount and whatever people arrive with on the day is what they arrive with.
Sharon:
That’s right. And if someone wants to leave early, or they want to go and stand outside the door, they want to go around and my individual room is off that room. So if they want to go and sit in there, need a break, whatever you need. That's exactly right. And that's, but that's where the classes are about not just releasing your historical trauma, but learning the skills of how to prevent more, because you're lifting your game of wanting more out of life, and you're dropping your tolerance for putting up with too much shit and that you've probably put up with to that point, you know, so it's not just about come to class and get rid of the bad stuff. It's coming, learn, come and learn how to stop this from happening now. Life skills and life isn't going to become a pretty box with a pink bow on top, we're gonna have to learn we are not immune to dying and our friends dying and all that stuff. So absolutely.
Jo:
Life goes on
Sharon:
Life goes on. Doesn’t it ever. Well, thank goodness it does. We're still here, Jo.
Jo:
So you just said life is ongoing. And so clearly, managing trauma is an ongoing life process. And you're going to be talking in detail about a lot of different topics in future podcasts. But if you had one piece of advice now on strategies, so somebody listening today could maybe take a little piece of gold away, that would help them to cope with trauma when it's triggered. What would that be? I know you've sort of alluded to it, but what what do you reckon that would be?
Sharon:
I think that the best advice that I can give or the words, I don’t know if it's advice, information, knowledge, wisdom, is to know that your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do. So if the nervous system has been stimulated, it's a natural thing to do is to go into fight and flight, is to go into mobility, to want to run away towards to it, it wants to do something with this threat that it perceives, or is real. But you know, usually we're talking about something that's perceived the person reminds you of your father. The backfiring of the car reminded you of an explosion, whatever, it is okay. So it's not often genuinely real. Yes, of course it is. Even if it is real, that person that you're with has become violent or agitated in any way, you know, your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Now, if it's happening ongoing for you past the event, and you're thinking, ‘this is ridiculous’. I should be over it by now. It's not, if you don't have another skill, it's going to continue to do exactly the same thing that it was designed to do. So what I want to say to you is know that what you're doing is perfectly fine and normal until you get a new set of skills, and then you'll try something else. So don't give up on yourself. Find a way for you to find that peace, because it's not a life sentence to be traumatised, to be stressed. It went in at some point, and it can go out again. So find what works for you. And look for that and never give up. Be determined to be happy and well.
Jo:
Beautiful.
Sharon:
Thank you. That was very profound if I do say so myself.
Jo:
Well You know, people listening to this a lot of the time when they're listening to a podcast around these sorts of topics they they want something that they can actually action. Now I listened to this What can I try? Yeah so I think that's just that reminding that we're all human.
Sharon: We’re all human and simply remembering if you breathe through your nose, it counts you nervous system, put into your mouth can stimulate it, okay? That's what we do to get the oxygen in quickly because we've got to move some breathing through your nose. It also seems to be very hard to think when you just take that moment, take a breath through your nose to look around, where am I? Name things to remind your system, your mind, you are here now and the chances are right now you are safe and look for comfort. Three things breathe through your nose. Where the fuck am I? find some comfort?
Jo:
All, hashtags.
Sharon:
All hashtags! and dot com. I say dot com at the end of things sometimes and my children go Mum stop it!. I'm trying to be cool. I'm 50
Jo:
That is something that people will definitely get from you is the ongoing sense of humour.
Sharon:
It’s interesting, we've got to laugh. Seemingly again I'm not one to research too much I'm very know that what I'm talking to you about is yes, I am very trained clearly. I've got all my pieces of paper and what have you, but the experience of working with a lot of people, I can see sometimes Crikey, maybe 40-50 people a week between classes and individual clients, that would be an amazing week where they you know, that can happen. And if I do a corporate gig where there's 40 people in the room, there it is happening in a one or two hour period. And watching how people behave and watching what works and what doesn't work. And I've been told that an orgasm is the ultimate letting go. Well, you know, you think of the Hollywood symbols of that there's a hand against the glass pushing or if somebody scrunching up the sheets, they're not letting go or they they're holding on or they're pushing, you know, and secondly supposedly a cry. I have to teach people to cry sometimes because they hold it and they're grippin' in their chest, but the third is laughter. Now again people who are more qualified than me that will actually and that's why I'm good on you, I'm not looking to be right, let me tell you but I can make people laugh because I'm certainly not doing the other two. People will cry, and fair play, of course they will in session and in class and wail and gnashing of teeth and that's often very actually soothing for the others because it allows permission. So you know, before we probably didn't make, we got sidetracked, I do that I'm sorry, but that worrying about what other people think is that collective energy in the room actually creates more care. I do not allow people in that classroom who aren't there to take responsibility if they are there to blame if they're there, to you know, find the skills go home and bollock their partner or whatever, I'm not your girl, you know, come and take responsibility. That is the place for me to to create that safety for whatever comes up.
Jo:
So I hear that there are future podcasts in the offering? What are you going to be talking about?
Sharon:
The plan is to talk to other professionals that refer to me and people who know what they're talking about in this game such as yourself.
Jo:
Thank you very much.
Sharon:
I can highly recommend Jo she's totally amazing, keeps me sane. We have to be a little bit insane in this game, so we've got the empathy. But more truckloads of compassion so that we can go - you can get out of this.
And that's something that I am very passionate about the difference between empathy and compassion, that's something that we've talked about. Empathy can be getting in the pit with somebody which is wonderful but the ladder out is compassion. So you know that will be a big issue for me, and looking at what I see and in the rooms that I'm in as well as talking to other professionals. So that you people don't get sick of my voice. And it is really interesting to engage with you and talk with you. It's been fantastic rather than sitting here and just looking around the room and talking, although Andy is here, which is great. And so yes, it will be partly that I will plan what they will be and interesting enough what the demand is out there.
you can get out of this
Jo:
And are people able to contact you in any way to sort of say, hey, we'd love to hear a little bit more your view on this or is that could that be a possibility in the future?
Well, if for whatever reason that somebody only hears the podcast and there isn't for some strange reason, any contact in the exchange that they have found it that there isn't some link. If anybody looks up Sharon Mullan. And any of those things, tapping, Lismore, TRE, trauma, any of those things, they'll find my website and they can book from there contact from there, but the podcast will sit on the website for now so that all the information will be there, and your information will be on there Jo, and whoever that I talked to that link and that information will be there, because it is interesting when people listen to these things they just say, I don't know that it was specifically something that you said, it was that I resonated with the sound of your voice. One thing that somebody might get that from you too Jo. And so I did one podcast with Alex Stewart of Low Tox Life some three years ago, still getting work from that, and many people, that's why I'm doing these podcasts, have said to me, You got to be saying this stuff Shaz, can’t just be I happened to hear that wisdom because I was in your class. Because I'm very wise, you know. So that's why this has come about I didn't just decide to do podcast, it has been, you gotta write this stuff down. But of course we don't do that anymore. We say it into a mic. So this has been fantastic. Jo, I'm so much more relaxed and confident now. So those of you who are very clever at hearing that in the voice, you will hear that I'm not anxious like I was.
Jo:
Beautiful.Thanks, Sharon. It's been absolutely amazing and informative. And you've offered some tools there for people. You've also offered yourself, as you always do. People can come along to a class, they can book a private session. All the details will be in the show notes as they say. Thanks very much.
Sharon:
Thank you, Jo. I loved it. And Thanks, Andy.
Jo:
Thanks, Andy. Thank you. Goodbye.
Hi. So today I have the pleasure, the absolute pleasure of speaking to one of my personal friends and wonderful woman, Sharon Mullan, who is a stress and trauma specialist practicing here in the Northern Rivers. Hi, Sharon.
Sharon:
Hi, Jo. And thank you very much for interviewing me. This is quite an honour to have you interviewing me because you know your stuff.
Jo:
Thank you very much. Well, let's start, so how would you being a trauma specialist? How would you actually define trauma?
Sharon:
We’ll start with the big questions I love it. And yes, it is interesting and many people listening I'm sure will have their own view of it because I work very much with a combination of mind training and relaxing the nervous system. I see it very much as physical. So if we look at it from the point of view of it being something trapped in the body, trapped energy in the body. What does that mean? Well, it means at some point the body loaded with energy to fight or flee and couldn't. So the system collapsed, went into freeze and that freeze put a lid on ‘it’, so it trapped ‘it’. So then if you look at it from the mind, knowing maybe on some level that the incident has passed, for the body it is continuing the living 'it'. So 'it' is still alive for it. So it's traumatised because it's still worried about 'it' happening again. Even though on some level, it's actually still happening for that person. So trauma can be an immobility, attention, a trapped-ness in the body, a stuck-ness. And it's a very, very big word. But, you know, my understanding is the most traumatic thing for the body is lack of movement. So trauma can happen from sitting in an office too long, in a desk job, in a truck, in a car. It doesn't have to be as I like to say, you don't have to sacrifice on an alter to be traumatised. It can be something fairly simple, it can be an accident, as well as something fairly abusive or nasty and neglectful.
Jo:
So that actually leads us into the next question, which is perfect. So, before we talk about ways to actually manage trauma, perhaps you could speak a little bit about your own background and your personal experience of trauma. And what led you to actually decide to become a trauma practitioner?
Sharon:
I love this question. I love that I can answer this question now without, you know, turning into a blithering mess, and because I've done all the work that I've done. So I've got one of those Irish childhoods that often ends up in book like Angela's Ashes or whatever, but not quite to that level of poverty or anything. But yeah, I grew up in a very unhappy home and found out later more about why my parents behaved the way that they did. But suffice to say a lot of violence, sexual abuse, and massive amount of neglect, which of course, I didn't realise till later, was much more of an issue. I had a fair inkling when I was a teenager that I thought, how am I going to do this adult thing? I have no idea. I know that, you know, this inappropriate behaviour that's going on in my home is not going to help me be a good adult, and that made me very, very nervous. But, it's interesting. I'm noticing now that I am seeing a lot of buts. So I am being some what triggered now to go back and remember that because I'm being recorded, not because I actually have an issue with it. Because it is interesting for me to know that this podcast now will go out potentially worldwide and people who grew up with me, including my parents will actually hear this. So it's always been something that's made me nervous about doing this, is what will their reaction be? So there we go, there's that maybe that last little bit of it that I need to work with, because even of course, I'm 50 years of age, there's no way that I'm under any danger from my parents, but there it is still showing up. So there's always work to do. But how I got into this whole thing was because of that massive amount of neglect. And the neglect was in big issues like the only physical contact I ever got was either sexual abuse or violence. So I never got my hand held. In fact, I have one memory of my father holding my hand and for years, I use to flashback and not remember what it was. I didn't know what he was doing, which is a bit odd really, even for me seeing that from the inside. So I didn't know how to deal with physical contact with people and Irish people weren't great at hugging even then. So you know, societally we weren't great at affection. So that was a big issue. I had a lot of anger in me. So in social circumstances, I was always nervous that I would lose it. And, you know, that's, yeah, it's just, I didn't have any friends really, in my 20s, to be honest, but eventually I did. My first marriage broke up and I thought, I don't want this to happen again. So I went and studied 'talk therapy'. And I really enjoyed that qualification. I have to say, through the Australian College of Applied Psychology. I was very blessed with the people that I worked with, but I was still left with not feeling 100%. So the feeling that needed to be reduced so that I could be less socially anxious and be able to be intimate and all that kind of stuff came through probably 15 years ago. I was introduced to tapping and I studied with Steve Wells and David Lake of EFT Down Under. Then through Steve he introduced me to TRE, Trauma Releasing Exercises and I was very blessed to be trained with David Bercelli. Between those two things, took the gross level of the history out of my system and taught me a huge amount of skills of how to be 'now'. Not that life got much better. My second marriage was fabulous. And I know I can say that's because I've recorded this before and my ex husband is fantastic about it. We actually get on very well now, but it became violent as well and all that kind of fun and games and with the girls. But yeah, so I'm living proof of what I do. I like to think. I experienced the work that this can do, not just go on 'I study this thing and it's great'. And I'm a bit multiple personality disorder I have a tendency to change my accent, so it's still me even though I'm becoming Australian in five seconds.
Jo:
That’s good to know. So along the way, it sounds like you've tried on different modalities, different ways of working with people. And that sort of lead you to something that you feel that really resonates with you. So can you tell us a little bit about TRE?
Sharon:
When I trained, as I say, I was very blessed almost 10 years ago, I think it is now, I ordered the DVD, watched it, did it and felt so really calm afterwards I thought 'oh my gosh, this is the thing'. And then lo and behold, you know as life does if it's meant to be the right thing happens and David came to Australia and I trained directly with him 10 years ago. The things that I took from it mostly at the time were, it can be quite a, what would you say? It's a detoxifying process, not just a matter of it all being lovely and sweet, and each time you go through the process of allowing your body to move involuntarily, that you end up feeling better. David created seven exercises, that I must admit I no longer use, but he created those exercises to help open up the body some what and put it under a little bit of pressure so that the muscles will start moving involuntarily and then eventually the nervous system will take over or immediately take over, and then this involuntary movement happens. But that's very natural to the body. So I'm mindful to say to people when they're moving involuntarily whether they've had a fright or their cold or whatever it is, as long as it's not something that's epilepsy or Parkinson's or anything that there's actually a neurogenic issue at fault so to speak in the brain, that's a natural mechanism.
Jo:
And that's in nature too, isn't it that you see animals do this? That's exactly right.
Sharon:
Exactly right. And people often say that 'my dog does it' or 'I've seen a video of the polar bear' So yes, it's very normal and natural. Peter Levine, who created Somatic Experiencing, was the person really in my understanding, who brought this involuntary movement back in to us Westerners who'd stopped doing it. It was socialised out of us. So now I'm finding more and more, and the tapping I've even made more and more more simple. Even though David and Steve did that too. They took away the EFT so to speak, the Emotional Freedom Technique wording, they created PET and and SET which is Simple Energy Technique and Provocative Energy Technique. But again, that's very specific to them, and they're wonderful and I love them, but I just literally get people to tap anywhere, just soothe yourself, use it for soothing yourself. And yes, if we're working with something specific, what works for me is that, what I like is now, with the set of skills and the experience that I've had, what I'm doing more than anything else is trying to create a circumstance, like the conditions for that to be opposite to what the trauma went in. So if there's any force related, I'm finding with the clients that I attract, if there is any force related to the therapy, I have to in the diagnostic beginning of working with somebody find out whether the fight and flight is what shows up when we 'go there', so to speak, or whether they freeze and if they freeze and we don't go there, so that we keep it safe. And that when some people don't move involuntarily like that they don't shake unless they're safe. So my job is to create that safety and comfort. Comfort, safety, presence, breathe through your nose, very basic stuff. So when people walk away from you, I'm not saying remember, do your TRE and remember to do your tapping. I'm saying breathe through your nose. Notice where you are, you know, Instagram #wherethefuckamI as I like to call it? Look around, notice where you are. It's not happening now. Okay, and if it is happening now, well then, you know, there's a whole different set of skills, but if it isn't, you've been triggered. So breathe through your nose. Notice where you are. Find some comfort. No techniques in that, they're all basically there and drawing from people what they already do. Oh yeah, I have a bath. I forget I do that because when we're distressed we forget to take care of ourselves. So it's bringing those skills back into the room and not having the people go 'What was that modality again?', 'What should I use?' Keep it real simple.
Jo:
So the tapping, do you use the sequence like the original way of tapping was, which is sort of starting at the head and working through or do you just go with the flow?
Sharon:
In the classes I do, because I do classes and I do individual sessions. So the classes is really useful to use the technique, the sequence. Then we do, you know, three rounds usually and very rare that I do less, sometimes, I do more depending on time, but then for those of you who are listening thinking about a question mark if you ever know the tapping so yes, it starts on the top of the head but once you go to the eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, and the chin, think of it as a question mark that goes around like that. And then anywhere on the body really. The fingers are really useful to use in real time. So that everything that I teach people I want them to be using in real time. Then if in individual sessions, yes, I might show the sequence, or just say, 'Where are you feeling the distress?' so that it comes back to the body. And if they say, my chest is tight, well I might just get them to put their hand on their chest and then pick any spot on their face that they're feeling drawn to. So that they use it in real time. This is the thing and actually, funnily enough, somebody said to me, yesterday, I spoke at a group of women who've had breast cancer and one of the women said, but you can't tap on your face in public. Well, I remember sitting at Coolangatta airport once and I was very distressed because my ex husband was coming back from New Zealand with my children. And I didn't know it at the time, but turned out my chronic fatigue was back for the second time and I was feeling very, very distressed. So I'm just sitting there tapping, I didn't care. I didn't care if anybody was looking at me. Because I'm watching and women are like re-adjusting their boobs, men are changing gears, as I like to call it, you know, with their old fella, and I'm going ‘Why is any body worried that I'm sitting here tapping on my face?’
Jo:
Absolutely. So we've talked a little bit about TRE. So in your classes, if someone was to come along to a class, and they have an idea about what they might expect, which is the wobbling, so to speak, and I'm a little bit self conscious say, what could somebody expect to see or experience in a class and how big are your classes usually.
Sharon:
You know, so we're funny, but that's all part of being anxious, isn't it that we think we are like naked? And everybody can see. That's it, you know, our skin isn't there and they can see all uck this inside. But if you just, you know, you could be thinking while you're tapping on your chin, but by the time you're doing that in public that shows you're in a better place, probably. But in the meantime, yeah, just wherever you can to soothe yourself. Okay, so the class, we'll start with how many there are in the class, there's room really comfortably for about 9-10 people, it is still quite intimate. I've heard of classes I think in, in Bali, maybe, so don't don't quote me where there's 30 people in there.
Jo:
Okay. But I imagine that would takeaway a little bit though, from the actual your ability to keep an eye on everybody when there's nine or 10, it's really manageable and people can feel a lot safer.
Sharon:
And I'm thrilled that you said that because it leads me to be reminded why I changed my whole view of what I learnt when I did my TRE training, which was to, you know, teach people and then leave. Now, I'm not blaming, TRE training, but it was to make ourselves redundant. Teach the people how to do them, show them how to regulate and then step away. But in somewhere like Bali, and again, you know, I haven't lived there so this only what I've heard. There is a community that's intact. So if people come to a class and there's 30 people, and they lie on the floor, and they allow their body to move involuntarily, and then they relax and they go home, if something comes up, that community is intact, to then absorb that, and take care of that person. We don't have that culture anymore in our Western society. So for me, I have 10 people so that by the time they leave, they're somewhat intact. And if they're not, they can ring me. They are here in Lismore, they can come again to another class, they can make an individual session or just call me on the phone. Because a lot of the time people are coming to me is that they are living in family homes or working in work environments where they feel they can't be themselves. They're holding these emotions in and they're afraid that they're going to turn into Niagara Falls
Jo:
And that's why a lot of people think they'll never come back from it. ’If I start to wobble I will never come back'. So how would you dispel that myth?
Sharon:
So, the self consciousness part of it and that whole idea of, you know, I'll never come back or I'm going to turn into Niagara Falls is the worse thing in the world, is my job. So that's the thing. When people come to class, I do say to them, I'm between you and the door, anybody comes in and looks at your fucking sideways, I'll eat them alive. And I use my humour, but it's exactly what I'm doing. And you know, and I've had young people come to class, and they're coming because they're afraid of the dark, or they've had terrible things happen in their home. And after two or three classes, they're falling asleep at the end, you know, and just shows how safe they are there. So it's very interesting that that's been my job, for all the carry on that's been going on in my life, I mean, I've got to keep lowering my nervous system for those people. So they'll come in, find their place. Yes, everybody can see each other at the beginning, sitting up tapping for the rounds, an awful lot of the time, people know the rounds very quickly, and they do it with their eyes closed. And the person who's new is following me. So they are not really looking around or they'll lose where they are. So that self consciousness, that nervousness, that anxiety, or depression or whatever we want to call it, that distress, that ill at ease, that's brought them into the room has them fully focused on me, and I'm not looking around, okay. And then, you know, by the time they've come to the room, they must have decided I'm going to do this. So you know, to me, nobody's come in the room under any force. And I don't allow that if someone says, Oh, my sister needs to come. Yeah, whatever, when she wants to come, thank you very much. Because if you've got a problem with that person, do you hear what I just said, you've got a problem. It's not for them to be fixing it. So then we lie down. Actually, I do a couple of minutes of just concentrating before we lie down but anyway, don't have to go in detail the formula of the class, but then we lie down. Now interesting enough because of that layout. People can't really see each other that clearly. But when people see somebody else move very strongly, or move very quickly when they lie down because I don't do the exercises of TRE anymore as explained, and people who've been coming for a long time. I've got a lady who has been coming for four and a half years now every week unless she's away or sick, which is very rare. And she instantly lies down and she just started to move involuntarily. So people are aware 'oh my goodness, wow'. And I don't know what that means necessarily to them. But my job really is to get that movement going. So you reintroduce it to the body so starting it, managing it and stopping it. Now that so once it started it started the body's been reintroduced to it now it now goes oh my goodness I can move involuntarily but so does your breathing, so does your digestive system, so does your heart all that stuff. So and then straight away we're managing it. So at the moment they don't like it. If I can put your legs down you can say oh people listening go all but I'm not that type of person. I'd be the one who all you got to keep going you might get in trouble or or you know, and or if you're very frightened and the free starts to come in you can't even move your legs. That’s what happened to me to my training. I was freezing in the training and I couldn't stop but David Bercelli, fair play to him was there and he taught me how to come out of that freeze response so that's so that made me very good at helping spot that, you know and so I love being able to say I can watch you and can say ‘can you just pop your legs down?’ Or I may not tell them in all fairness I'm getting don't even do that anymore. Be like, do you think you want to take a rest or wonder was that okay? Yes it is. And of course I'm you know, joking with people and their very, very serious. And they'll say to me, am I doing it right? And I go, fuck no. And they look at me with these big eyes and I go, but you are winning the no smiling competition. And then they relax and they start laughing and start doing this no right, no wrong it's your history that's coming away. So managing it is really the golden rules are simply that, breathe through your nose. Notice where you are and even that's notice the movement in your body. Get comfortable if you're uncomfortable, constantly reminding people do you need another cushion? Do you need a roller on your knees? Do you know I mean, these words probably won't make sense to the people who haven't come to class but I'm constantly making you comfortable.
Jo:
And you have that there already - mats and cushions.
Sharon:
Yeah exactly cushions there, mats there. Air conditioned, beautiful room. And I want people to come in their lunchtime if they want to. And if they've got a short skirt on or tight jeans, we've got sarongs there. We'll work it out. You know, I can't be that we go, Oh, the circumstances aren't perfect for me to release my trauma. So I'll just hold on to it for another However feckin' long.
Jo:
I’m not wearing the right pants
Sharon:
Yes, that's it. Fair enough.
Jo:
Okay, so that's a lot going on there. It sounds like you certainly create a safe space.
Sharon:
Yes. above everything else.
Jo:
Yeah, safety is paramount and whatever people arrive with on the day is what they arrive with.
Sharon:
That’s right. And if someone wants to leave early, or they want to go and stand outside the door, they want to go around and my individual room is off that room. So if they want to go and sit in there, need a break, whatever you need. That's exactly right. And that's, but that's where the classes are about not just releasing your historical trauma, but learning the skills of how to prevent more, because you're lifting your game of wanting more out of life, and you're dropping your tolerance for putting up with too much shit and that you've probably put up with to that point, you know, so it's not just about come to class and get rid of the bad stuff. It's coming, learn, come and learn how to stop this from happening now. Life skills and life isn't going to become a pretty box with a pink bow on top, we're gonna have to learn we are not immune to dying and our friends dying and all that stuff. So absolutely.
Jo:
Life goes on
Sharon:
Life goes on. Doesn’t it ever. Well, thank goodness it does. We're still here, Jo.
Jo:
So you just said life is ongoing. And so clearly, managing trauma is an ongoing life process. And you're going to be talking in detail about a lot of different topics in future podcasts. But if you had one piece of advice now on strategies, so somebody listening today could maybe take a little piece of gold away, that would help them to cope with trauma when it's triggered. What would that be? I know you've sort of alluded to it, but what what do you reckon that would be?
Sharon:
I think that the best advice that I can give or the words, I don’t know if it's advice, information, knowledge, wisdom, is to know that your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do. So if the nervous system has been stimulated, it's a natural thing to do is to go into fight and flight, is to go into mobility, to want to run away towards to it, it wants to do something with this threat that it perceives, or is real. But you know, usually we're talking about something that's perceived the person reminds you of your father. The backfiring of the car reminded you of an explosion, whatever, it is okay. So it's not often genuinely real. Yes, of course it is. Even if it is real, that person that you're with has become violent or agitated in any way, you know, your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Now, if it's happening ongoing for you past the event, and you're thinking, ‘this is ridiculous’. I should be over it by now. It's not, if you don't have another skill, it's going to continue to do exactly the same thing that it was designed to do. So what I want to say to you is know that what you're doing is perfectly fine and normal until you get a new set of skills, and then you'll try something else. So don't give up on yourself. Find a way for you to find that peace, because it's not a life sentence to be traumatised, to be stressed. It went in at some point, and it can go out again. So find what works for you. And look for that and never give up. Be determined to be happy and well.
Jo:
Beautiful.
Sharon:
Thank you. That was very profound if I do say so myself.
Jo:
Well You know, people listening to this a lot of the time when they're listening to a podcast around these sorts of topics they they want something that they can actually action. Now I listened to this What can I try? Yeah so I think that's just that reminding that we're all human.
Sharon: We’re all human and simply remembering if you breathe through your nose, it counts you nervous system, put into your mouth can stimulate it, okay? That's what we do to get the oxygen in quickly because we've got to move some breathing through your nose. It also seems to be very hard to think when you just take that moment, take a breath through your nose to look around, where am I? Name things to remind your system, your mind, you are here now and the chances are right now you are safe and look for comfort. Three things breathe through your nose. Where the fuck am I? find some comfort?
Jo:
All, hashtags.
Sharon:
All hashtags! and dot com. I say dot com at the end of things sometimes and my children go Mum stop it!. I'm trying to be cool. I'm 50
Jo:
That is something that people will definitely get from you is the ongoing sense of humour.
Sharon:
It’s interesting, we've got to laugh. Seemingly again I'm not one to research too much I'm very know that what I'm talking to you about is yes, I am very trained clearly. I've got all my pieces of paper and what have you, but the experience of working with a lot of people, I can see sometimes Crikey, maybe 40-50 people a week between classes and individual clients, that would be an amazing week where they you know, that can happen. And if I do a corporate gig where there's 40 people in the room, there it is happening in a one or two hour period. And watching how people behave and watching what works and what doesn't work. And I've been told that an orgasm is the ultimate letting go. Well, you know, you think of the Hollywood symbols of that there's a hand against the glass pushing or if somebody scrunching up the sheets, they're not letting go or they they're holding on or they're pushing, you know, and secondly supposedly a cry. I have to teach people to cry sometimes because they hold it and they're grippin' in their chest, but the third is laughter. Now again people who are more qualified than me that will actually and that's why I'm good on you, I'm not looking to be right, let me tell you but I can make people laugh because I'm certainly not doing the other two. People will cry, and fair play, of course they will in session and in class and wail and gnashing of teeth and that's often very actually soothing for the others because it allows permission. So you know, before we probably didn't make, we got sidetracked, I do that I'm sorry, but that worrying about what other people think is that collective energy in the room actually creates more care. I do not allow people in that classroom who aren't there to take responsibility if they are there to blame if they're there, to you know, find the skills go home and bollock their partner or whatever, I'm not your girl, you know, come and take responsibility. That is the place for me to to create that safety for whatever comes up.
Jo:
So I hear that there are future podcasts in the offering? What are you going to be talking about?
Sharon:
The plan is to talk to other professionals that refer to me and people who know what they're talking about in this game such as yourself.
Jo:
Thank you very much.
Sharon:
I can highly recommend Jo she's totally amazing, keeps me sane. We have to be a little bit insane in this game, so we've got the empathy. But more truckloads of compassion so that we can go - you can get out of this.
And that's something that I am very passionate about the difference between empathy and compassion, that's something that we've talked about. Empathy can be getting in the pit with somebody which is wonderful but the ladder out is compassion. So you know that will be a big issue for me, and looking at what I see and in the rooms that I'm in as well as talking to other professionals. So that you people don't get sick of my voice. And it is really interesting to engage with you and talk with you. It's been fantastic rather than sitting here and just looking around the room and talking, although Andy is here, which is great. And so yes, it will be partly that I will plan what they will be and interesting enough what the demand is out there.
you can get out of this
Jo:
And are people able to contact you in any way to sort of say, hey, we'd love to hear a little bit more your view on this or is that could that be a possibility in the future?
Well, if for whatever reason that somebody only hears the podcast and there isn't for some strange reason, any contact in the exchange that they have found it that there isn't some link. If anybody looks up Sharon Mullan. And any of those things, tapping, Lismore, TRE, trauma, any of those things, they'll find my website and they can book from there contact from there, but the podcast will sit on the website for now so that all the information will be there, and your information will be on there Jo, and whoever that I talked to that link and that information will be there, because it is interesting when people listen to these things they just say, I don't know that it was specifically something that you said, it was that I resonated with the sound of your voice. One thing that somebody might get that from you too Jo. And so I did one podcast with Alex Stewart of Low Tox Life some three years ago, still getting work from that, and many people, that's why I'm doing these podcasts, have said to me, You got to be saying this stuff Shaz, can’t just be I happened to hear that wisdom because I was in your class. Because I'm very wise, you know. So that's why this has come about I didn't just decide to do podcast, it has been, you gotta write this stuff down. But of course we don't do that anymore. We say it into a mic. So this has been fantastic. Jo, I'm so much more relaxed and confident now. So those of you who are very clever at hearing that in the voice, you will hear that I'm not anxious like I was.
Jo:
Beautiful.Thanks, Sharon. It's been absolutely amazing and informative. And you've offered some tools there for people. You've also offered yourself, as you always do. People can come along to a class, they can book a private session. All the details will be in the show notes as they say. Thanks very much.
Sharon:
Thank you, Jo. I loved it. And Thanks, Andy.
Jo:
Thanks, Andy. Thank you. Goodbye.